Its been a while...

Wow. 10 months. I guess I got busy with life. Sort of missed out on posting on most of 2010. Well most of it sucked, so I guess I don't mind that I didn't write about it. So I'm going to start over now...

Not much to say since everyone already knows most of what's going on in my life... school school school. Actually, now its work work work. I'm paying to work. Its a backwards concept really.

I got really bored tonight, and I had decided around 9pm that I would take the entire evening off since I had gotten nothing done. So I came to this place after a long long time. I guess I always meant to keep updating, but I was usually either too busy or too lazy.

Anyways, I am still thinking about the "college" talk I want to do for the high school girls. I think its important. I think over winter break would be the best, and I'm trying to think of the number of girls who would be interested in coming, where to do it, and exactly what topics to talk about. I don't think we're going to be able to get them all together for more than one day, so we have to hit all the relevant topics. From my point of view, the medical side is really important. Teaching these girls how to protect themselves against pregnancy and infection, and teaching them the signs of infection is probably the most important to me. I definitely didn't know anything at their age about things like emergency contraception. Other aspects of this talk could maybe include a demonstration of how to correctly put on a condom, and maybe a discussion on the Islamic way of sex. If the aunties find out somehow and give us crap about it because their daughters would never be a girl like that, well, they're only human. They can make mistakes. Our culture is one that is too prude and has made sex a completely taboo topic. Its better for them to get this information from the "older sisters" than for them to go without it (Actually, I think it would be best for them to get information what their first time would feel like from older sisters who are already experienced..). Anyways, I'd actually like to know if ANY aunty has ever spoken to their daughters about sex. I'd be willing to be that the majority haven't and if they have, it went something like, "Beti, don't have any boyfriends ok? They are haraam. Don't have sex. Sex is haraam" Mmm, yeah. That's really going to stop them. And then in 5 years, they say, "Why can't you find a husband??" *Headdesk* This is where we fail as a community I think.

So add in your ideas for this talk. I'll start working on a game plan after my exam on Friday.

--//--Edit--//--

I'm going to start updating this more regularly now. I stopped around the time I started studying for boards, and frankly, its a period of time I'd like to forget for multiple reasons. Then third year started and I got too busy and lazy, but nothing significant has happened since it started other than the stories that I've already shared with you guys so far.

Until the next one then.

What a Weekend...

My weekend started out terrible, went to great, and then to scary and then back to normal.

Whew.

Talk about a roller-coaster ride of emotions.

Friday night, I talked to Mr. Douchebag, and I was pissed as I expressed over dinner to my med school friends and to my close friends via email. I was in a bad mood when I got home Friday night and to compensate for it so my parents wouldn't figure things out, I think I was a little over-exuberant. Its all good. My mom could still tell that something was bothering me and Saturday morning was like what's going on with you? So I told her a very shortened version of almost everything that happened with douchebag/asshole. All she said was, I'm glad you're a sensible girl and you didn't get sucked into him... Ummm, I kinda did get sucked in. That's partly why I was so mad. I did want to tell his gf about what he did since he started everything while they were still together and that's CHEATING, but that'll just turn me into the bad person in all of this. So whatever. I feel sorry for her.

Saturday had to have been one of the best days I've had after a long time... First, I got some great news from someone, and I'm so excited for them. I'm genuinely happy for that person. Then I finally got to meet my best friend's hubby haha. I think I grinned more than I talked to him and he might have thought that I was a demented idiot. But whatevsssss. Then Naz, I'm glad you're doing well. It was awesome seeing [almost] everyone again and I had so much fun. I need those types of nights to make me feel normal again. I went to bed very cheerful.

Sunday morning I woke up to the sound of the brother retching and vomiting in his room. I didn't think much of it and thought, oh he's probably nauseous from something... He'll be fine. Umm... I'm a bad sister... Anyways, I woke up for real at around 8:30am when my mom came in and told me to see what's wrong with him. I sent my dad to Walgreens to get Pedialyte, and I laid down next to the brother in my parents' room. He had just thrown up again for th 6th or 7th time. I was not fully awake and could not comprehend what was going on... :(

Like I said, I'm a bad sister. Then when he drank two small sips of pedialyte, he immediately threw up again, and this time I was like ohhh shit, he can't get rehydrated. That's when I woke up, and started asking him questions about food he ate Saturday night, about any pains in his stomach, etc. I still didn't know what could possibly have been wrong with him. But after like the 10th or 11th vomit, he started vomiting bile. There is no way that you can mistake bile for anything else because it was GREEN. That's when I was like OH SHIT, CALL HIS PEDIATRICIAN. So we called, and they said to take him to the ER. When we made him stand up to get into the car, he threw up two more times. He also hadn't peed since the night before, so I was starting to worry about dehydration. Then at the ER, the doctor came in and saw the brother and said that a lot of kids have been coming in with these same symptoms and that it was probably a virus. So he gave him a Zofran pill (anti-nausea and vomiting), and 20 minutes later, he said, "I'm hungry." Omg, I was so relieved. I was so scared that he might have needed surgery for a small bowel obstruction (SBO). That can present with bilious vomiting because the bile has no where to go but back up. They gave him gatorade and kept him for about 1.5-2 hours to make sure he could keep the gatorade down. Then they discharged us after they saw he was doing a lot better, and we went home. He was still weak when I left, but doing a lot better. I couldn't call today because I got home late from Step 1 mentoring, but I will call tomorrow fo sho.

This weekend gave me perspective and made me realize my priorities. Its not that I had forgotten them, but it was just a wake up call. My family, my friends, and my career. The three most important things in my life right now. I won't let this thing with Mr. Douchebag bring me down. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I have a lot of goals and dreams that I'm working towards. The first step in all of that is kicking ass on my USMLE Step 1 exam. I know I'm very forgiving for a lot of things other people normally wouldn't be (take Mr. Douchebag in the beginning for example), and I know I'm not selfish when it comes to a lot of things. However, I have absolutely no forgiveness in my heart for cheaters/liars/people who use other people, and I'm selfish in the fact that I want my guy to be in love with me and only me and not have any confusion in his mind whether or not we should be together. That is a person's inherent right. I will wait until I find that guy or until he finds me, but until then, I'm going to kick step 1 ass!

Until the next one then.

Frustrations...

Jeez, I haven't posted anything in a long long time. I guess I've been keeping friends updated through facebook so I haven't needed to come here as much.

I'm really busy right now -- I had an exam on Tuesday and I have a final on Friday.
So, right now I need to vent. NEED to vent.

I am so frustrated with everything going on.... For the most part, school has been going fine, I guess, but I feel so stressed out. Board studying hasn't been as efficient as I would have like it to be. Its not like I'm wasting a lot of time, but I guess its the fact that I'm not very productive after around 7pm, but who can possibly study that much? I wake up at 7-8am everyday and study all day for class and boards. I don't know what's going on or why its not working. I'm so tired all the time :(

On top of that stress, I keep thinking about Mr. Douchebag.... I know I shouldn't and I should just put it behind me because I know its never going to work with him esp after what he did, and I rationally know that he can't be the right guy for me. But, I dunno, I guess I was hoping he would change his mind and come back, and I guess I miss him a lot. Don't worry, its not like I'd take him back (um, not right away at least... I'd probably make him prove it somehow), but it would be nice to know he still cares. His indifference is killing me. He says, "okay see you around" and that's like okay, I'm already down, you don't have to kick me on top of it. I can't tell if he's holding back or if he's feeling guilty or if he really is over me, and I don't know if he and his gf got back together again. I really want to know. I think its yes, and that would answer a lot of my questions. And because I keep thinking about him, I've been getting really angry at myself and that's just adding to my frustrations.

And, then learning endocrine and reproduction is interesting, but its making me flip out a little bit. My cycles have never been regular, and this is what I've learned in a nutshell:  Estrogen is important for growth and proliferation of the endometrium and progesterone is for differentiation of the endometrium to prepare for implantation of the embryo. Okay, so withdrawal of E and P causes the onset of your period.  That's how it is in a normal person. So in the beginning where E is higher than P and causing the endometrium to grow, you get an LH surge which causes ovulation. Okay, so in me, there is something wrong at that step and I'm not ovulating and I have uninhibited estrogen. It could be any number of things -- chronic estrous or PCOS, etc. SO this means tha my endometrium keeps on growing with only estrogen, and that gives me an increased risk for endometrial cancer. The not ovulating part means it will be hard for me to get pregnant later on. Okay, I can handle that. Taking birth control pills helps protect against the cancer, and they have fertility drugs to help me ovulate.. The thing that is making me want to break down are the success rates of pregnancy on those drugs. Apparently the drugs have a success rte of 80% of causing ovulation, and then on top of that, there's less than 40% chance to get pregnant. So if you take it all together, that's only a 32% chance that I can get pregnant. I dunno, that doesn't seem very high to me, and makes me worry a little bit... I probably shouldn't worry about that right now, but jeez, I didn't know it was that bad. I dunno, I just got really sad while studying at the library.

And, I'm lonely as hell.

:(

I'm glad Naz's surgery went well. Thanks everyone for keeping me updated.

Okay I have to get back to studying now....

Like I said before, I just really need a hug..........

Until the next one.