I had a great weekend... Started off Friday night with catching up with really close friends. It was even more fun since we all haven't been in the same city at the same time with nothing to do in a while. Then Saturday afternoon/evening/night was my high school friend's wedding. They really knew how to throw a party, and I had soooo much fun even though I ended up getting a speeding ticket on my way to the wedding (ugh!). I needed all day Sunday to recover from the wedding. I finally have a new phone, and I jumped the iphone bandwagon. I got the white 32 Gb iphone 4s, and I actually like it a lot. It really easy to use and figure out, and I'm loving the battery. I got really fed up with my Android phone that wouldn't last the whole day even if I didn't use it. Now, I'm just waiting on my case to get here before I can breathe easy haha. I've been treating it like its a fragile egg.
Anyways, at the wedding, my friends from high school and I were *finally* shocked to realize that someone who was so close to us got married when so many of us still don't feel like we're 26/27. I know don't feel that way. I think it hit a lot of them that woah, when did we grow up?? We're not teenagers anymore! I know several of my high school friends have no interest in settling down until they reach 30. I don't think I have a certain age where a switch is suddenly turned on where I'd settle for anyone. But, I'm pretty sure I don't think I want to settle down for at least a while... Whether that's a year or three years, I don't know. All I know is that I want to focus on residency instead of looking for someone to get married to. I wish everyone would respect and understand that.
I love being South Asian, but I also hate our culture sometimes. I hate the fact that my entire life I've been taught that education is the key to everything and boys/boyfriends are frivolous (and bad/sinful) while growing up. So I never once let boys distract me from my path to my career. Sure, I liked guys and gushed over who was hot and who was not and who was sweet or what my dream "type" of guy would be, but I never made acting upon all that a priority, and I never pursued anyone. When I was graduating high school, I thought that I would meet someone and everything would just magically fall into place and I'd be married by age 25. Things haven't happened the way I've wanted them to, and 25 seemed old to the 17 year old me. I bumped into the four relationships (only one serious one though) that I've been in on accident. I really believed that *someone* and I were meant to be... But he didn't feel the same way about me at all. I know this because he wouldn't have run away when the parents gave him an ultimatum (commit to get engaged or else), and he wouldn't have suddenly, magically remembered his life long dream of pursuing medicine after years of being in the business world at around the same time, which also happened to be the ultimate deal-breaker for me. But my point was that I've never actively pursued anyone. I've only been pursued... and then dumped. If I could go back in time and talk to the 17 year old me, oh the things I would tell her and warn her about. I'd tell her to focus on school and career like my parents emphasized, but my reasoning would be that she can only ever count on herself and to never become emotionally dependent on a boy.
Once I became of "acceptable marrying age," which to my parents seemed to be 23ish after my first year of med school, they asked me to flip the switch and find someone to get married to. asap. I hate the entire half-arranged marriage process that we're supposed to go through if we can't find and bring someone acceptable to them. It was not that bad in the beginning just because I was so busy studying that I didn't care, but slowly, its gotten worse and worse. Before it was just asking around friends of friends about anyone they knew who would be looking and exchanging pictures... When that failed, it became the damn matrimonial website, which my parents put me on without my permission... That hasn't produced any results either, and now its some random lady who has a matrimonial service for the area we live in. Ugh.
Through all of that, I basically feel like I'm being pimped out and being put on sale by my parents. I feel like I have no value as a person through these processes, and no one cares. The mothers who are looking for someone for their sons only have a checklist that says, "young, tall, slim, beautiful" with an occasional "professional degree" thrown in the mix. I'm so tired of it. My parents are having a harder and harder time trying to find a guy (any guy!) for me, and I'm losing interest in the idea of settling down. I'm almost 27, which in our culture is almost the end of my "viable shelf life"... Meaning that I'm about to "expire"... Meaning that I'm only a few years away from being too old to be suitable for marriage anymore. And as my age keeps creeping up, my parents are getting more and more desperate.
But honestly, I'd much rather just focus on something that I know will be happening for me, like residency. I don't want to waste time focusing on or thinking about something so abstract, fickle, and unreliable as love, relationships, or marriage. Its not worth it, and eff it, I'm almost a doctor.
Until the next one then.
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COUNTDOWN TO GRADUATION: 4 DAYS!!
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