Why Breakups* Suck.

*especially the ones that end in heartbreak!

Going along with my last post which was the more rational medicaly/doctory side of me, is this post which is the less-rational-girl-who's-recently-been-dumped-again side of me.

- Pain. To say that it hurts would be putting it lightly. When you really think you're meant to end up with someone, only to have them walk out on you, it completely shocks and then it crushes you and rips you apart. Ugly crying is a distinct possibility here, and for some people, its a certainty.

- Self pity. Everyone has a phase of crying/being sad/moping around the house feeling sorry for themselves. Its probably the ugliest stage, even more hideous than the ugly crying. This is when people let themselves go completely for any given time, refuse to shave, rarely shower, etc as seen on tv. Its when you don't want to look nice for anyone. You want to stay in your nastiest pair of sweats all day listening to sad break up songs and watching romantic comedies and wondering why those happy endings are never seem to happen to you.

- Declining self esteem. A lot of it is based on not understanding what happened or how things went wrong, only to assume that it was your fault even if in reality, it wasn't. You start to think that there's something terribly wrong with you, that you're not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not desirable enough, not lovable or wantable enough. That list can go on and on. And that sort of thinking damages you. Its not healthy, but its inevitable. It doesn't matter how much your friends try to cheer you up or try to convince you other wise, in your head, you know best. And you think you're right and will always be right. You think that no one will ever want to be with you ever again, and you shut out everyone else who tries to help you.

- Then after all that, you reach a certain calm level of sadness. You've accepted that the two of you aren't meant to be, but you're also feeling your lowest about yourself, and you've convinced yourself that he/she has probably moved on by now since there's no possible way they'd be feeling this bad. They were the dump-er (no poop jokes please!), and you were the dump-ee. They must be happier without you since this is what they wanted. Its a resignation of well, life keeps going on, work keeps going on, family continues to need you, etc. The pain is dull here, but still deep and fresh enough to where you occasionally cry yourself to sleep at night. It might have been something you saw, perhaps driving by the place you first spent a whole weekend together, or something you remember, perhaps the first time you told them how you felt with the L word, or it might just be that time of the month and your hormones are kicking your emotional side into overdrive. You're still able to socialize like a normal person and smile, laugh, and joke around, but that pain is still in there. You feel it, but no one else can see it.

- Occasionally there's anger towards the other person and all happy couples. I think the anger towards the other person is self-explanatory and makes complete sense. When you've been snubbed, your knee jerk reaction might be to push the other person away even farther. Or revenge. It just depends on they type of person you are. But every one of your non-single friends will keep spouting the same garbage about how "everything happens for a reason" and "he wasn't the one" and "it just wasn't meant to be for the two of you" and "stop whining and get over it already" and "you'll find your soul-mate soon, look how quickly I found mine!" Seriously? Dear friends in happy relationships, don't give advice to your newly single friends even if they are your best friends. They do not want to hear it. Its not helpful right after a breakup. You should ease into it a little while later. All your heartbroken friend needs is comfortable silence, a shoulder to cry on, and an open environment so if he/she says, "I miss him/her, and I want him/her back," you won't interject with a giant, "ITS OKAY. HE WASN'T THE ONE. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, AND I KNOW YOU'LL MEET THE GUY/GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS ONE DAY." Its not helpful. Trust me.

- Faith in love is destroyed. You (the dump-ee) start believing that love doesn't exist. That its a delusion shared by two people (also known as a shared psychotic disorder in psychiatry, fyi). You stop thinking that everyone ends up marrying their soul-mates. You start to question whether or not soul-mates even exist. You promise yourself you won't ever be fooled again. That you won't let a smile or a hug or a kiss melt your heart even a little ever again. Its too risky to become vulnerable. Then finally you convince yourself you're better off alone than ever risking your heart like that ever again. Because pain like that shouldn't ever happen to anyone more than once.

Until the next one then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

COUNTDOWN TO GRADUATION: 9 DAYS!!