Overwhelmed...

I have way too much to do and way too much to learn. I don't know how I'm going to do it all.

I hate having "how to be a doctor: class on tuesdays bc just when I think I can catch up on Monday's stuff, I can't because I have that class until 4, and then its already Wednesday. I think I'm going to have to start going to lecture again. I'm behind by 3 lectures, and they're all anatomy ones so they're going to take forever to get through.

Neuro is BAD. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't think it would be this bad :(
I think I'm just freaking out also because I have stuff due in my "how to be a doctor" class too... a useless paper and a case write up... Ugh, I am so late on that case write up. I hope they aren't too mean to me. I will do it tomorrow. It shouldn't take too much time so I guess I'll write it up during my lunch break. I need to start working on that paper though...

I think I'm freaking out because I don't know what I need to work on first. I just need to write out exactly what needs to be done, and STICK TO IT.

Tuesday:

• Morning before lab: review brainstem and cranial nerves anatomy for lab
• ALSO IN THE MORNING: call contractor, eye doctor, & fp office for preceptorship finalization
• Lab at 10am
• Lunch: Case write up & submission; if there's time left over, review instructions for paper
• How to be a doctor class at 1 -- special presentation on dementia in LHN
• Prob be done around 3 or 4? --> home
• PBL Learning Issue - Phantom limb - what causes it and why; post onto PBL google group
• Go over remaining learning issues to prepare for PBL quiz next day
• Reading assignments for PBL (nolte and kandel and articles only)

Wednesday:

• GO TO CLASS (2 lectures, 2 hours of PBL)
• Lunch/Start prewrite for paper
• Thalamus lecture + scribes + reading
• Somatosensory lecture 1 + scribes + reading
• Somatosensory lecture 2 + scribes + reading
• Start writing paper

Thursday:

• Lab at 8am
• FINISH WRITING PAPER
• PBL Learning issues (if any)
• If finish, then go over neural anatomy lectures since the beginning
• Reflexes lecture if time

Friday:

• Lecture, PBL, Lecture, PBL Wrapup
• Reflex lecture
• Somatosensory lectures
• Review friday lectures
• SUBMIT PAPER BEFORE 5pm
• Review PBL Case 1 and Case 2 learning issues

Whew. What a busy week. I feel better now that I wrote out a schedule. I usually overestimate how much I'll be able to do so I will probably be a little behind... Oh well. The most important things to finish this week is the write up, paper, and PBL stuff. Keeping up with lecture is just something I have to do on the side no matter what.
Gosh, I'm so sleepy right now, but I need to go over the anatomy junk at least once before I go to sleep. The good thing is that I've done the cranial nerves once already, and hopefully, they won't be too bad this time around... even though I barely remember them... :/

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Dear Pre-meds,
Please rethink going to med school. I say this for fear of you losing your sanity like me. I'm verrryyyy close to snapping. I also say this because no matter how bad you imagine it, the real thing is a lot worse just because of the sheer volume of information you're expected to retain.
Love
Nads, MSI

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In other news, there were two cockroaches cavorting around my kitchen counter today... *shudder*... They both slipped underneath the crack between the counter and the cabinets. I waited with my can of roach spray until I saw them again, and one of them began poking its antennae out and i zapped it with the spray. It fell to the ground flailing and I drowned that mofo in roach spray. Its accomplice is still at large. I know I'm going to end up walking on it hanging out on my counter tomorrow morning. UGHHH.
I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I AM OUT OF HERE. I WANT TO MOVE BACK INTO MY OWN PLACE. MY OWN CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN PLACE. AGHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
I HATE COCKROACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a used book sale today on campus. I got 5 books that I will be needing in the future for $65 total. Hell yes... Except... They're used and highlighted in :/ Buuuut, I had to sacrifice somewhere... either brand new costing a lot of money or dirtcheap and being a bit highlighted. *shrugs* I'm po' and I decided to test my OCD.

Until the next one then.

Frustrations

Ugh so final grades were posted for our last class, Micro/immunology. I thought I did decently on the exam, but I ended up being 2 or 3 points below the median... If I was above the median for both the midterm and final, then I would have high-passed the class. I missed high pass by a total of like 5 points... AGAIN. I'm so frustrated with myself... UGH!!

I guess I should have been expecting this. Lots of people told me to get used to making grades lower than what I was used to, but I didn't think it would be so frustrating. I mean, yea, I know, a pass is alright. Passing the class is what matters anyways. But, its been ingrained in my head that just passing is not acceptable, and because of that I've been kicking myself mentally. I keep thinking about a couple of the questions on the exam... what if I chose the other answer instead of the one I picked?? Would that have made me a high-pass?

I guess I'm just really frustrated that I used to be one of the smart ones (maybe top 15% of my class in undergrad), and now because everyone is extremely smart, I'm just average... Even below average if you think about it (below the median and mean by like 2 points every time). Its making me think I should really pursue a relatively non-competitive residency. I dunno. I'm just so mad at myself. I keep wondering if I had studied harder, then maybe I would have done better. I feel like I keep messing up, but the thing is, I don't know where or how I'm messing up. Sure, for my biochem/metabolism/histo/embryology class, I know I screwed up when I focused on everything except embryology and then embryology turned out to be a major chunk of the exam. But, right now? I dunno what I'm doing wrong.

That's why I've decided I'm not taking any breaks or allowing myself to have any fun from now until May 29th, the last day of classes. I have to high-pass neuro. HAVE TO. I can't take being below average anymore. I've studied all week... I've actually kept up with readings... something I never did before because I didn't think I needed to. I would only read in my other classes if something didn't make sense. Now, for neuro, a lot doesn't make sense so i'm reading it all.

Ok... So enough about classes.

I've given up on the whole finding a guy for myself thing. With the lifestyle I'm leading and heading towards, its not going to happen. I've been clinging to my silly romantic view of getting married for way too long. I need to refocus and view it in terms of practicality and I shouldn't mix in my emotions into it. I figured if my parents find someone they like, I'll meet them and decide. All I know is that the way I wanted things to happen aren't going to happen, and I need to grow up, and settle down. Fantasies don't come true... That's why they're fantasies. So yea, that's my change of heart on that aspect. Dunno if you guys are disappointed in me, but two of you were relatively lucky, and things don't work out like that for everyone. I've accepted that. I've had a while to think about things and the way they're going and my parents are the only way I'll ever find someone. If even that doesn't work out, I can turn into super cut-throat bitch and just work on my career. Anyways, the parents put me on a matrimonial site without asking me. When they told me, at first I flipped because I should have been told, but then I was like, ok whatever, it hasn't been working any other way so why not? So there have been a couple of people interested... I'm not too sure about the specifics, but I know one guy's mom said this to my mom: "Does Nads wear hijaab? Would she start? All MY daughters wear hijaab." <-- That seems shady to me. What's wierd is that they are from my side of town and we've never heard of them (and my dad knows a specific uncle who knows EVERYONE in my hometown, no joke). Hm, so that's all I've heard about. He's a 3rd year med student at.... A&M? I'm not even sure. Whatever I just said is all I know about him. Yup. Ok that's all for now.

Until the next one then.

Updating on my mundane life

Wow, I haven't updated since December... I guess its time to update on my boring med student life.

First half of biochem/metabolism/histo/embryology sucked. Second half wasn't so bad. I missed the High Pass cut-off by like 3 points so I wanted to strangle something after the class was over. Eh, P=MD afterall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X2bMzf7udA&NR=1

Micro/immunology is cool. The first half was nearly all immunology stuff with a little bit of bacteriology thrown in, and the immuno stuff got pretty confusing until I wrote out everything and drew diagrams of everything. That definitely helped. Umm right now its not too bad... We've had parasitology, mycology, epidemiology, and semi-toxicology. It sounds bad, but its really not.

My other class that's going on at the same time is STUPID. I hate it. The concept of it is nice, if we got to practice more. We're expected to be able to do a physical exam by now and we've only really practiced once or twice. So instead of depending on that lame-ass class, I've been going to the student-run clinic where I get to practice taking histories and doing physicals and coming up with my own differentials. Woohoo. Its fun.

We had a lecture about insurance and about all the ways we're not going to get paid and all the ways that everyone is going to screw us and how we'll get blamed for all of it. It kind of made us not want to go into medicine anymore. Its like, they want us to come to med school, but they don't tell us the reality of it until after its too late. Anyways, I don't want to think about it; its frustrating and it makes me sad.

Ummmm what else...

Wanna know my schedule for a normal day (meaning, a day not during exam week)
Wake up at 7
Class at 8 (or lab at 10 and I get to campus at 8 bc no parking after like 9)
End at 10 or 12 depending on the day
Lunch & Study on campus
Go home at like 4 or 5 -- but it depends on my mood that day. Like I came home at 1 today bc my back was hurting.
Workout about 1 hour
Shower
Decide if i'm hungry or not
Start studying again at around 6ish
Eat by 8
Study
Try not to fall asleep on top of my books and laptop
Bedtime at 11:30 & pass out cold

Mhmm sounds about right. I do that everyday. Unless its exam week, then all I do is study.
Actually, all I do IS study.
*sigh*
I need a spring break, but nope, we're going straight to the end of May.

Umm yea, that's everything going on with me.
Exam in 2 weeks - micro/immunology final!!
Then neuro starts - neuroscience & human behavior (I think that's what it stands for... I know its neuro and psych though)

--//--Edit--//--

I forgot to mention that I have a jinn cockroach somewhere in my apartment :(
I saw it on Monday or Tuesday morning when I stumbled sleepily to the kitchen in the morning to make myself some breakfast. I turned on the lights, turned towards the counter, saw a giant cockroach like 2 or 3 inches long, SCREAMED, ran to get the roach spray, but when I came back, it disappeared. I wasted a good 20 minutes looking for it, and I was late for class that morning. WHERE DID IT GO??? I can't sleep peacefully knowing its still around somewhere. Agh, FML!

Until the next one then.

Second med school class...

...SUCKS.

Material is painful... its a combination of biochemistry, cell bio, molecular bio, genetics, embryology, and histology. Everything is sooooooo broad.

Trying to figure out what we have to learn is hard.

PBL absolutely sucks for this class and its fucking 20% of our final grade.

Our midterm is on the 19th... Less than two weeks!!! Agh...

Still, I can't complain too much because we get out at noon or earlier everyday. Tomorrow I get out at 11 and on Friday, I get out at 10. I'll have the rest of the day and the rest of the weekend to study. iA I'll be fine if I friggin FOCUS.

It snowed here!!! O_O Shocking. I didn't take pictures bc its too dark and there's still a lack of streetlights, but everything is covered in white right now.

Until the next one then.

OSCE

I don't know what it stands for, but its our physical exam exam. Haha, that makes no sense. Its an exam of how to do a physical exam by actually doing a physical exam. Its a lot to remember and I'm kind of nervous about doing it. I know the basics, but remembering to do everything is going to be tough. I've been watching the videos and practicing on pillows (hahahaha) since no one has returned my call to practice. Meh, oh well.

I need to studyyyy... there is so much in this block. Its basically biochem, cell bio, molecular bio, embryology, and histology all rolled into one. Molecular bio is the hardest thing in bio. >_< Anyways, we've had 4 lectures, 2 of which were embryology that I skipped on Wednesday and I haven't gone over them yet because embryology is a biatch. I figured I'll do it tomorrow after my OSCE.

Thanksgiving was fun.. Lots of food was all yummy. I brought some here.

Umm, not much else is going on. Don't know what to update on.

Until the next one then.