My weekend started out terrible, went to great, and then to scary and then back to normal.
Whew.
Talk about a roller-coaster ride of emotions.
Friday night, I talked to Mr. Douchebag, and I was pissed as I expressed over dinner to my med school friends and to my close friends via email. I was in a bad mood when I got home Friday night and to compensate for it so my parents wouldn't figure things out, I think I was a little over-exuberant. Its all good. My mom could still tell that something was bothering me and Saturday morning was like what's going on with you? So I told her a very shortened version of almost everything that happened with douchebag/asshole. All she said was, I'm glad you're a sensible girl and you didn't get sucked into him... Ummm, I kinda did get sucked in. That's partly why I was so mad. I did want to tell his gf about what he did since he started everything while they were still together and that's CHEATING, but that'll just turn me into the bad person in all of this. So whatever. I feel sorry for her.
Saturday had to have been one of the best days I've had after a long time... First, I got some great news from someone, and I'm so excited for them. I'm genuinely happy for that person. Then I finally got to meet my best friend's hubby haha. I think I grinned more than I talked to him and he might have thought that I was a demented idiot. But whatevsssss. Then Naz, I'm glad you're doing well. It was awesome seeing [almost] everyone again and I had so much fun. I need those types of nights to make me feel normal again. I went to bed very cheerful.
Sunday morning I woke up to the sound of the brother retching and vomiting in his room. I didn't think much of it and thought, oh he's probably nauseous from something... He'll be fine. Umm... I'm a bad sister... Anyways, I woke up for real at around 8:30am when my mom came in and told me to see what's wrong with him. I sent my dad to Walgreens to get Pedialyte, and I laid down next to the brother in my parents' room. He had just thrown up again for th 6th or 7th time. I was not fully awake and could not comprehend what was going on... :(
Like I said, I'm a bad sister. Then when he drank two small sips of pedialyte, he immediately threw up again, and this time I was like ohhh shit, he can't get rehydrated. That's when I woke up, and started asking him questions about food he ate Saturday night, about any pains in his stomach, etc. I still didn't know what could possibly have been wrong with him. But after like the 10th or 11th vomit, he started vomiting bile. There is no way that you can mistake bile for anything else because it was GREEN. That's when I was like OH SHIT, CALL HIS PEDIATRICIAN. So we called, and they said to take him to the ER. When we made him stand up to get into the car, he threw up two more times. He also hadn't peed since the night before, so I was starting to worry about dehydration. Then at the ER, the doctor came in and saw the brother and said that a lot of kids have been coming in with these same symptoms and that it was probably a virus. So he gave him a Zofran pill (anti-nausea and vomiting), and 20 minutes later, he said, "I'm hungry." Omg, I was so relieved. I was so scared that he might have needed surgery for a small bowel obstruction (SBO). That can present with bilious vomiting because the bile has no where to go but back up. They gave him gatorade and kept him for about 1.5-2 hours to make sure he could keep the gatorade down. Then they discharged us after they saw he was doing a lot better, and we went home. He was still weak when I left, but doing a lot better. I couldn't call today because I got home late from Step 1 mentoring, but I will call tomorrow fo sho.
This weekend gave me perspective and made me realize my priorities. Its not that I had forgotten them, but it was just a wake up call. My family, my friends, and my career. The three most important things in my life right now. I won't let this thing with Mr. Douchebag bring me down. I have a lot to be thankful for, and I have a lot of goals and dreams that I'm working towards. The first step in all of that is kicking ass on my USMLE Step 1 exam. I know I'm very forgiving for a lot of things other people normally wouldn't be (take Mr. Douchebag in the beginning for example), and I know I'm not selfish when it comes to a lot of things. However, I have absolutely no forgiveness in my heart for cheaters/liars/people who use other people, and I'm selfish in the fact that I want my guy to be in love with me and only me and not have any confusion in his mind whether or not we should be together. That is a person's inherent right. I will wait until I find that guy or until he finds me, but until then, I'm going to kick step 1 ass!
Until the next one then.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Frustrations...
Jeez, I haven't posted anything in a long long time. I guess I've been keeping friends updated through facebook so I haven't needed to come here as much.
I'm really busy right now -- I had an exam on Tuesday and I have a final on Friday.
So, right now I need to vent. NEED to vent.
I am so frustrated with everything going on.... For the most part, school has been going fine, I guess, but I feel so stressed out. Board studying hasn't been as efficient as I would have like it to be. Its not like I'm wasting a lot of time, but I guess its the fact that I'm not very productive after around 7pm, but who can possibly study that much? I wake up at 7-8am everyday and study all day for class and boards. I don't know what's going on or why its not working. I'm so tired all the time :(
On top of that stress, I keep thinking about Mr. Douchebag.... I know I shouldn't and I should just put it behind me because I know its never going to work with him esp after what he did, and I rationally know that he can't be the right guy for me. But, I dunno, I guess I was hoping he would change his mind and come back, and I guess I miss him a lot. Don't worry, its not like I'd take him back (um, not right away at least... I'd probably make him prove it somehow), but it would be nice to know he still cares. His indifference is killing me. He says, "okay see you around" and that's like okay, I'm already down, you don't have to kick me on top of it. I can't tell if he's holding back or if he's feeling guilty or if he really is over me, and I don't know if he and his gf got back together again. I really want to know. I think its yes, and that would answer a lot of my questions. And because I keep thinking about him, I've been getting really angry at myself and that's just adding to my frustrations.
And, then learning endocrine and reproduction is interesting, but its making me flip out a little bit. My cycles have never been regular, and this is what I've learned in a nutshell: Estrogen is important for growth and proliferation of the endometrium and progesterone is for differentiation of the endometrium to prepare for implantation of the embryo. Okay, so withdrawal of E and P causes the onset of your period. That's how it is in a normal person. So in the beginning where E is higher than P and causing the endometrium to grow, you get an LH surge which causes ovulation. Okay, so in me, there is something wrong at that step and I'm not ovulating and I have uninhibited estrogen. It could be any number of things -- chronic estrous or PCOS, etc. SO this means tha my endometrium keeps on growing with only estrogen, and that gives me an increased risk for endometrial cancer. The not ovulating part means it will be hard for me to get pregnant later on. Okay, I can handle that. Taking birth control pills helps protect against the cancer, and they have fertility drugs to help me ovulate.. The thing that is making me want to break down are the success rates of pregnancy on those drugs. Apparently the drugs have a success rte of 80% of causing ovulation, and then on top of that, there's less than 40% chance to get pregnant. So if you take it all together, that's only a 32% chance that I can get pregnant. I dunno, that doesn't seem very high to me, and makes me worry a little bit... I probably shouldn't worry about that right now, but jeez, I didn't know it was that bad. I dunno, I just got really sad while studying at the library.
And, I'm lonely as hell.
:(
I'm glad Naz's surgery went well. Thanks everyone for keeping me updated.
Okay I have to get back to studying now....
Like I said before, I just really need a hug..........
Until the next one.
I'm really busy right now -- I had an exam on Tuesday and I have a final on Friday.
So, right now I need to vent. NEED to vent.
I am so frustrated with everything going on.... For the most part, school has been going fine, I guess, but I feel so stressed out. Board studying hasn't been as efficient as I would have like it to be. Its not like I'm wasting a lot of time, but I guess its the fact that I'm not very productive after around 7pm, but who can possibly study that much? I wake up at 7-8am everyday and study all day for class and boards. I don't know what's going on or why its not working. I'm so tired all the time :(
On top of that stress, I keep thinking about Mr. Douchebag.... I know I shouldn't and I should just put it behind me because I know its never going to work with him esp after what he did, and I rationally know that he can't be the right guy for me. But, I dunno, I guess I was hoping he would change his mind and come back, and I guess I miss him a lot. Don't worry, its not like I'd take him back (um, not right away at least... I'd probably make him prove it somehow), but it would be nice to know he still cares. His indifference is killing me. He says, "okay see you around" and that's like okay, I'm already down, you don't have to kick me on top of it. I can't tell if he's holding back or if he's feeling guilty or if he really is over me, and I don't know if he and his gf got back together again. I really want to know. I think its yes, and that would answer a lot of my questions. And because I keep thinking about him, I've been getting really angry at myself and that's just adding to my frustrations.
And, then learning endocrine and reproduction is interesting, but its making me flip out a little bit. My cycles have never been regular, and this is what I've learned in a nutshell: Estrogen is important for growth and proliferation of the endometrium and progesterone is for differentiation of the endometrium to prepare for implantation of the embryo. Okay, so withdrawal of E and P causes the onset of your period. That's how it is in a normal person. So in the beginning where E is higher than P and causing the endometrium to grow, you get an LH surge which causes ovulation. Okay, so in me, there is something wrong at that step and I'm not ovulating and I have uninhibited estrogen. It could be any number of things -- chronic estrous or PCOS, etc. SO this means tha my endometrium keeps on growing with only estrogen, and that gives me an increased risk for endometrial cancer. The not ovulating part means it will be hard for me to get pregnant later on. Okay, I can handle that. Taking birth control pills helps protect against the cancer, and they have fertility drugs to help me ovulate.. The thing that is making me want to break down are the success rates of pregnancy on those drugs. Apparently the drugs have a success rte of 80% of causing ovulation, and then on top of that, there's less than 40% chance to get pregnant. So if you take it all together, that's only a 32% chance that I can get pregnant. I dunno, that doesn't seem very high to me, and makes me worry a little bit... I probably shouldn't worry about that right now, but jeez, I didn't know it was that bad. I dunno, I just got really sad while studying at the library.
And, I'm lonely as hell.
:(
I'm glad Naz's surgery went well. Thanks everyone for keeping me updated.
Okay I have to get back to studying now....
Like I said before, I just really need a hug..........
Until the next one.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Update Before Exams
Another round of exams are starting next week. I have my "how to be a doctor" class exam and GI exam, where it'll be all clinical stuff. It shouldn't be too bad. The cardio/pulmonary one wasn't that bad, and there was a lot more going on in that one. That exam is on Monday, and my GI final is on Friday, and then I have a completely free weekend!! I'm going home for that weekend because my uncle from Saudi is coming, so I have to be at home. He's the first family member to cross the Atlantic Ocean. I have no idea what my parents plans are for taking him around this side of Texas, but I think they're going to bring him to my side of town, which kind of sucks because I don't want to come back here on my weekend off!! I have to figure out what clothes to wear... My mom is saying only the long, dress type shirts, which I understand, but I don't know if its going to be hot or cold. If its cold, my life will be so much easier. I'm kind of glad my Aunt isn't coming too lol, since she's the one who would give me grief about the clothes I wear. OH WELL. I will take any excuse to not study and prance around in clothes I haven't worn in a while.
Ummmm in other news, I'm definitely not over my crush on the guy.
He's a cutie and he's so nice :)
I just wish I could see him more often :(
Hehe that's all I'm going to say.
Okayyyyyyy... I need to shower and get food ready and eat dinner and head back to campus to study. *sigh* That is all my life consists of.
Until the next one then.
Ummmm in other news, I'm definitely not over my crush on the guy.
He's a cutie and he's so nice :)
I just wish I could see him more often :(
Hehe that's all I'm going to say.
Okayyyyyyy... I need to shower and get food ready and eat dinner and head back to campus to study. *sigh* That is all my life consists of.
Until the next one then.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Done!!
Finished with my GI midterm. It was NOT that bad. I think I did pretty well. Out of 62 questions (the shortest exam I've ever taken in med school), I guessed on 12. Out of those 12, I only didn't know 6, but I could make an educated guess on the other 6. At the very least, I'm sure I got something in the 80s. We'll see what happens with grades get posted.
I was planning on hitting up Walmart today, since I've been putting it off for sooo long now, but I don't have the energy to get up off my sofa and go. I've been lying here in the dark since 2:30, when I was finished with my exam haha. Anyways, I hope someone calls for dinner or something, but I refuse to go to walmart right now. I just don't want to.
Tomorrow, I AM GOING SHOPPINGGGGG... I'm gonna hit up all my favorite stores -- JCPenny, Macy's, Express, Forever21 and DSW and whatever else is at the Mall. This is a whole day event and I have been looking forward to this since I realized we get a day off after the midterm. I hope I find stuff though! The worst feeling is when you go to get something, but then you can't find it. I'm giving up on the flat boots thing just bc I don't have and won't find skinny jeans that fit my butt. Instead, I think I'll get a pair of brown pumps bc I don't have any nice brown shoes. I wouldn't mind a new pair of black pumps... I don't like the pair I have right now, and they're all beaten up from med school interviews haha. But, they still work, so I don't really have an excuse for a pair of new ones. Ohhh well. I know exactly which ones I want bc I already checked out DSW.com. I swear, that place has become one of my favorite places. I love their clearance rack -- I found a pair of black flats that are beyond comfortable for working in the hospital and clinics... Regular price was something like $70 -- I got them for like $25. Hells yea. Anyways, brown pumps. And black ones. Hee hee. Anyways, my goal for clothes shopping is a pair of really dark "skinny" jeans that are really straight. I'm thinking of going to Macy's for that one because they have this whole thing online for shopping by body type and it spit out a couple that I want to check out, but the only thing is that it will probably be expensive.......... but so worth it.......... hee hee. I'm going to try to not spend too much of my special-occasion-gift-money tomorrow. haha, but then again, I do have my $750 from the summer sitting in the bank (I don't count the money I spend on food or books or anything school related as coming from that $750 haha... that other stuff is from the money my dad gives me for school expenses hahaha). But yes, those are two things I really want -- straight/"skinny" dark wash jeans and brown pumps. If I get nothing else, I'm gonna get the black pumps too hahaha. Omggg I'm just so excited. I'm going to go when the mall opens up at 10. I figure I can spend a good 4 hours there, shopping at my own pace, Then I can come back home, take a nap (I'll prob be tired haha), and then get up and go to Walmart. That is the plan for tomorrow -- mall, DSW (its across the street from the mall), nap, Walmart.
SOOO EXCITED.
I think I'm more excited because I feel like I did pretty well on the exam!!
Hollaaaaaaaa :D
In the time it took to write this, my friend asked me if I wanted to go get dinner tonight. Yayyyyyyyyyyy. I'm in such a good mood right now :D
Even diagnosing myself with IBS isn't putting me down! But yea, I think -- no I'm pretty sure I have IBS. Its been going on for a while and I didn't know what was going on until this class. I realized today that caffeine makes it sooooooooo much worse. I had a rockstar and my stomach was hurrrting and I was so gassy. Stupid intestines.
Until the next one then.
I was planning on hitting up Walmart today, since I've been putting it off for sooo long now, but I don't have the energy to get up off my sofa and go. I've been lying here in the dark since 2:30, when I was finished with my exam haha. Anyways, I hope someone calls for dinner or something, but I refuse to go to walmart right now. I just don't want to.
Tomorrow, I AM GOING SHOPPINGGGGG... I'm gonna hit up all my favorite stores -- JCPenny, Macy's, Express, Forever21 and DSW and whatever else is at the Mall. This is a whole day event and I have been looking forward to this since I realized we get a day off after the midterm. I hope I find stuff though! The worst feeling is when you go to get something, but then you can't find it. I'm giving up on the flat boots thing just bc I don't have and won't find skinny jeans that fit my butt. Instead, I think I'll get a pair of brown pumps bc I don't have any nice brown shoes. I wouldn't mind a new pair of black pumps... I don't like the pair I have right now, and they're all beaten up from med school interviews haha. But, they still work, so I don't really have an excuse for a pair of new ones. Ohhh well. I know exactly which ones I want bc I already checked out DSW.com. I swear, that place has become one of my favorite places. I love their clearance rack -- I found a pair of black flats that are beyond comfortable for working in the hospital and clinics... Regular price was something like $70 -- I got them for like $25. Hells yea. Anyways, brown pumps. And black ones. Hee hee. Anyways, my goal for clothes shopping is a pair of really dark "skinny" jeans that are really straight. I'm thinking of going to Macy's for that one because they have this whole thing online for shopping by body type and it spit out a couple that I want to check out, but the only thing is that it will probably be expensive.......... but so worth it.......... hee hee. I'm going to try to not spend too much of my special-occasion-gift-money tomorrow. haha, but then again, I do have my $750 from the summer sitting in the bank (I don't count the money I spend on food or books or anything school related as coming from that $750 haha... that other stuff is from the money my dad gives me for school expenses hahaha). But yes, those are two things I really want -- straight/"skinny" dark wash jeans and brown pumps. If I get nothing else, I'm gonna get the black pumps too hahaha. Omggg I'm just so excited. I'm going to go when the mall opens up at 10. I figure I can spend a good 4 hours there, shopping at my own pace, Then I can come back home, take a nap (I'll prob be tired haha), and then get up and go to Walmart. That is the plan for tomorrow -- mall, DSW (its across the street from the mall), nap, Walmart.
SOOO EXCITED.
I think I'm more excited because I feel like I did pretty well on the exam!!
Hollaaaaaaaa :D
In the time it took to write this, my friend asked me if I wanted to go get dinner tonight. Yayyyyyyyyyyy. I'm in such a good mood right now :D
Even diagnosing myself with IBS isn't putting me down! But yea, I think -- no I'm pretty sure I have IBS. Its been going on for a while and I didn't know what was going on until this class. I realized today that caffeine makes it sooooooooo much worse. I had a rockstar and my stomach was hurrrting and I was so gassy. Stupid intestines.
Until the next one then.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
GI Midterm in Two Days
And I'm completely exhausted. I'm not good at this staying up late at night and studying business anymore. Its almost 2 am and I'm soooooooo sleepy. The good thing is that I've gone through ALL 23 lectures so far, BUT I still have pathology images and PBL cases and lab cases to review, not to mention that I still need to review how everything gets secreted and what stimulates what O_o There are more hormones in the GI system than in the endocrine system... or at least it feels that way haha.
Anyways, I should be okay, time-wise I think. My goal was to get through all the lectures I had left today and review 2 PBL cases. I did the lecture, and now I'm going to review the PBL cases.... I'm just waiting for the facilitator notes to print. I don't know why its taking so long........ Anyways, I think I have enough energy to stay awake enough to at least review the first one, the one I didn't understand as we were discussing it in class haha. The second one was a really easy one, and the notes seem really long with a lot of research citatations thrown in (annoying!!) sooo I think I'm going to skim it in the morning or maybe skip it.
Bleh. The material for this class isn't so bad. Its pretty simple and straight forward, but I think because its straight forward, they're expecting us to know a LOT of detail.
My exam is on Monday, and they're giving us Tuesday off. I am so going to go shopping!! My special-occasion-gift-money is begging to be spent haha. I want tall, flat suede boots. But I can't bc the only way I could wear them would be with skinny jeans.... And they don't make any for people with my body type. Its quite annoying :(
Umm what else? I'm just here writing nonsense haha. Just waiting for the case to finish printing...
Ohh yea. I'm over my crush on that first year. It was a really stupid and really brief crush.
Ohh and I was talking to my friends, and we're guessing about 60-75% of our class is married, engaged, or engaged to be engaged (aka serious relationships). Everyone really is engaged or married in med school. I had friends that used to say that but now I realize omg they are so right haha.
Not much else going on in my life. Same old thing. Nothing too interesting. Life of a mundane medical student I guess. I wish there was some excitement going on. Sadly, Naz, you are my only source of excitement when you give me daily updates on the situation haha. How pathatic is that lol?? My own life is so boring and predictable that I have to rely on you for my source of excitement hahahaha... Its kind of really sad, but I'm cracking up. I think its the sleep deprivation.
On another note, I tried on 3 pairs of jeans -- one purposefully ripped pair, one really dark wash from express, and my only pair of "skinny" jeans that are actually straight -- they were all previously too tight bc I gained too much weight in a short amount of time... Now they all fit me comfortably enough again!!! Well, the straight ones and the ripped ones do but the express ones have the gap in the back... I'll figure something out for those... But 2 out of 3 isn't bad!! :D
Until the next one then.
Anyways, I should be okay, time-wise I think. My goal was to get through all the lectures I had left today and review 2 PBL cases. I did the lecture, and now I'm going to review the PBL cases.... I'm just waiting for the facilitator notes to print. I don't know why its taking so long........ Anyways, I think I have enough energy to stay awake enough to at least review the first one, the one I didn't understand as we were discussing it in class haha. The second one was a really easy one, and the notes seem really long with a lot of research citatations thrown in (annoying!!) sooo I think I'm going to skim it in the morning or maybe skip it.
Bleh. The material for this class isn't so bad. Its pretty simple and straight forward, but I think because its straight forward, they're expecting us to know a LOT of detail.
My exam is on Monday, and they're giving us Tuesday off. I am so going to go shopping!! My special-occasion-gift-money is begging to be spent haha. I want tall, flat suede boots. But I can't bc the only way I could wear them would be with skinny jeans.... And they don't make any for people with my body type. Its quite annoying :(
Umm what else? I'm just here writing nonsense haha. Just waiting for the case to finish printing...
Ohh yea. I'm over my crush on that first year. It was a really stupid and really brief crush.
Ohh and I was talking to my friends, and we're guessing about 60-75% of our class is married, engaged, or engaged to be engaged (aka serious relationships). Everyone really is engaged or married in med school. I had friends that used to say that but now I realize omg they are so right haha.
Not much else going on in my life. Same old thing. Nothing too interesting. Life of a mundane medical student I guess. I wish there was some excitement going on. Sadly, Naz, you are my only source of excitement when you give me daily updates on the situation haha. How pathatic is that lol?? My own life is so boring and predictable that I have to rely on you for my source of excitement hahahaha... Its kind of really sad, but I'm cracking up. I think its the sleep deprivation.
On another note, I tried on 3 pairs of jeans -- one purposefully ripped pair, one really dark wash from express, and my only pair of "skinny" jeans that are actually straight -- they were all previously too tight bc I gained too much weight in a short amount of time... Now they all fit me comfortably enough again!!! Well, the straight ones and the ripped ones do but the express ones have the gap in the back... I'll figure something out for those... But 2 out of 3 isn't bad!! :D
Until the next one then.
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