Anyone there?

Apparently no one reads this anymore. :(

I guess it makes sense.

I've only been whining bc I've been having a crappy ass week.

Damn, its already Friday. I have an exam next Monday on the 27th, and I'm not ready for it at all. I'm a BIT screwed.

I need to clean and go grocery shopping and go to the student run clinic this weekend.

I'm really tired right now.

I'm thinking of taking a nap for an hour, and then waking up and studying.
I have 2 lectures to go over from today plus the readings, and I also need to get through three more labs this weekend. I should possibly start going over the posted learning issues for PBL. Oh, and while I'm doing that, I probably should do my drug chart. I only did it in MCT and never did anything for PHD. I know when boards come around, I will be kicking myself. That paper that I had due last week got pushed to the 24th, so I need to work on that this weekend too.

Not much else going on.

I'm really sleepy.

I guess I'm not expecting any comments haha.

I have like, no motivation whatsoever right now.

If you ever need to get a hold of me, for whatever reason, call me, text me, find me on yahoo messenger. Its apparently always signed in even without me knowing, but since I'm in front of the computer for like 3459348754 hours every day, I will get the mssg.

K, I'm going to take a nap now, and then wake up later and work work work.

Until the next one then.

FML

Ughhhhhhhhh things just aren't going my way at all these days...

1. Neuro is HARD. I just don't understand and nothing is sticking.
   
2. The midterm is in 1.5 weeks... and i don't know ANYTHING!!
   
3. My place is still not ready. Prob won't be until 25thish
   
4. The people who own the condo I'm living in now are strongly hinting at me leaving at the end of April, which is fine if they finish my place by then. However, if my place isn't ready by then, WHERE WILL I GO?
   
5. I'm tired and I need a break from studying. I've been going strong since the beginning of January... I still have until May 29th before I get any sort of break from studying. I think I'm very close to being burnt out if I'm not already...
   
6. EFFING COCKROACHES. I kill at least 2 everyday. WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!?! My parents said that the roach bait ends up attracting cockroaches after awhile. My guess is that's the reason. I have 3 dead roaches in my apartment right now because I was too nauseous to throw them away this morning. I will do it when I get back to my apartment, and I think I will change the roach bait in the kitchen asap. I thought I could wait a mere two weeks, but these fat mofos aren't letting me relax. My phobia has gotten so bad that the roach spray is never more than 3 feet away.
   
7. I woke up this morning and I had a flat. An effing flat tire. I walked to school today... it took me 30 minutes. I sweated through my makeup.. ugh. A drive usually takes 5-10 mins including parking. On bad days, 15 minutes because of looking for parking. I haven't walked that much since UT.
   
8. Makeup brings me to my next point... My skin is terrible... I had to invest in actual makeup to start covering it up. I never thought I'd be the type to wear makeup everyday, but I am now. Ugh. Too much hassle... But, I figured its either too much hassle or looking like a prepubescent boy.
   
9. Sunday, when I was driving back to Galveston, I got pulled over for speeding. I swear I wasn't speeding too badly and I nearly cried, but the cop let me go with a warning.
   
10. WHY ME????
    

Until the next one then.

My brachial plexus is missing!!

ADSKHSKGHSKDGHHFSKH

OMG

I LOST MY BEAUTIFUL DIAGRAM OF THE BRACHIAL PLEXUS

WTF

WHERE DID IT GOOOOOOO

AGHHHHHHHHH

It was so beautiful. Diagram of the nerves on one side and a list of muscles they innervate on the other side, color coded, and hand-drawn to perfection. IT TOOK ME THREE HOURS TO DO DURING ANATOMY!!!!

I've spent an hour looking for it because I NEED IT FOR PBL. I have no idea where it went but I looked through all my school possessions TWICE. The only place it can be now is at home... I'm praying that its there... But I don't know how I'm going to explain to my mom what it looks like :-/ And it doesn't make sense of why it would be there. I know I brought it back with me to study for the midterm after the hurricane... Agh. It wouldn't just disappear... :(

--//--Edit--//--

I am an idiot. I found it in a manilla envelope that I must have stuffed it in after anatomy class was over. I didn't think to look in it because I haven't looked at the stuff in that envelope since orientation. *rolls eyes* I'm so stupid...

--//--End Edit--//--

Until the next one.

Overwhelmed...

I have way too much to do and way too much to learn. I don't know how I'm going to do it all.

I hate having "how to be a doctor: class on tuesdays bc just when I think I can catch up on Monday's stuff, I can't because I have that class until 4, and then its already Wednesday. I think I'm going to have to start going to lecture again. I'm behind by 3 lectures, and they're all anatomy ones so they're going to take forever to get through.

Neuro is BAD. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't think it would be this bad :(
I think I'm just freaking out also because I have stuff due in my "how to be a doctor" class too... a useless paper and a case write up... Ugh, I am so late on that case write up. I hope they aren't too mean to me. I will do it tomorrow. It shouldn't take too much time so I guess I'll write it up during my lunch break. I need to start working on that paper though...

I think I'm freaking out because I don't know what I need to work on first. I just need to write out exactly what needs to be done, and STICK TO IT.

Tuesday:

• Morning before lab: review brainstem and cranial nerves anatomy for lab
• ALSO IN THE MORNING: call contractor, eye doctor, & fp office for preceptorship finalization
• Lab at 10am
• Lunch: Case write up & submission; if there's time left over, review instructions for paper
• How to be a doctor class at 1 -- special presentation on dementia in LHN
• Prob be done around 3 or 4? --> home
• PBL Learning Issue - Phantom limb - what causes it and why; post onto PBL google group
• Go over remaining learning issues to prepare for PBL quiz next day
• Reading assignments for PBL (nolte and kandel and articles only)

Wednesday:

• GO TO CLASS (2 lectures, 2 hours of PBL)
• Lunch/Start prewrite for paper
• Thalamus lecture + scribes + reading
• Somatosensory lecture 1 + scribes + reading
• Somatosensory lecture 2 + scribes + reading
• Start writing paper

Thursday:

• Lab at 8am
• FINISH WRITING PAPER
• PBL Learning issues (if any)
• If finish, then go over neural anatomy lectures since the beginning
• Reflexes lecture if time

Friday:

• Lecture, PBL, Lecture, PBL Wrapup
• Reflex lecture
• Somatosensory lectures
• Review friday lectures
• SUBMIT PAPER BEFORE 5pm
• Review PBL Case 1 and Case 2 learning issues

Whew. What a busy week. I feel better now that I wrote out a schedule. I usually overestimate how much I'll be able to do so I will probably be a little behind... Oh well. The most important things to finish this week is the write up, paper, and PBL stuff. Keeping up with lecture is just something I have to do on the side no matter what.
Gosh, I'm so sleepy right now, but I need to go over the anatomy junk at least once before I go to sleep. The good thing is that I've done the cranial nerves once already, and hopefully, they won't be too bad this time around... even though I barely remember them... :/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Pre-meds,
Please rethink going to med school. I say this for fear of you losing your sanity like me. I'm verrryyyy close to snapping. I also say this because no matter how bad you imagine it, the real thing is a lot worse just because of the sheer volume of information you're expected to retain.
Love
Nads, MSI

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other news, there were two cockroaches cavorting around my kitchen counter today... *shudder*... They both slipped underneath the crack between the counter and the cabinets. I waited with my can of roach spray until I saw them again, and one of them began poking its antennae out and i zapped it with the spray. It fell to the ground flailing and I drowned that mofo in roach spray. Its accomplice is still at large. I know I'm going to end up walking on it hanging out on my counter tomorrow morning. UGHHH.
I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL I AM OUT OF HERE. I WANT TO MOVE BACK INTO MY OWN PLACE. MY OWN CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN PLACE. AGHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
I HATE COCKROACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a used book sale today on campus. I got 5 books that I will be needing in the future for $65 total. Hell yes... Except... They're used and highlighted in :/ Buuuut, I had to sacrifice somewhere... either brand new costing a lot of money or dirtcheap and being a bit highlighted. *shrugs* I'm po' and I decided to test my OCD.

Until the next one then.

Frustrations

Ugh so final grades were posted for our last class, Micro/immunology. I thought I did decently on the exam, but I ended up being 2 or 3 points below the median... If I was above the median for both the midterm and final, then I would have high-passed the class. I missed high pass by a total of like 5 points... AGAIN. I'm so frustrated with myself... UGH!!

I guess I should have been expecting this. Lots of people told me to get used to making grades lower than what I was used to, but I didn't think it would be so frustrating. I mean, yea, I know, a pass is alright. Passing the class is what matters anyways. But, its been ingrained in my head that just passing is not acceptable, and because of that I've been kicking myself mentally. I keep thinking about a couple of the questions on the exam... what if I chose the other answer instead of the one I picked?? Would that have made me a high-pass?

I guess I'm just really frustrated that I used to be one of the smart ones (maybe top 15% of my class in undergrad), and now because everyone is extremely smart, I'm just average... Even below average if you think about it (below the median and mean by like 2 points every time). Its making me think I should really pursue a relatively non-competitive residency. I dunno. I'm just so mad at myself. I keep wondering if I had studied harder, then maybe I would have done better. I feel like I keep messing up, but the thing is, I don't know where or how I'm messing up. Sure, for my biochem/metabolism/histo/embryology class, I know I screwed up when I focused on everything except embryology and then embryology turned out to be a major chunk of the exam. But, right now? I dunno what I'm doing wrong.

That's why I've decided I'm not taking any breaks or allowing myself to have any fun from now until May 29th, the last day of classes. I have to high-pass neuro. HAVE TO. I can't take being below average anymore. I've studied all week... I've actually kept up with readings... something I never did before because I didn't think I needed to. I would only read in my other classes if something didn't make sense. Now, for neuro, a lot doesn't make sense so i'm reading it all.

Ok... So enough about classes.

I've given up on the whole finding a guy for myself thing. With the lifestyle I'm leading and heading towards, its not going to happen. I've been clinging to my silly romantic view of getting married for way too long. I need to refocus and view it in terms of practicality and I shouldn't mix in my emotions into it. I figured if my parents find someone they like, I'll meet them and decide. All I know is that the way I wanted things to happen aren't going to happen, and I need to grow up, and settle down. Fantasies don't come true... That's why they're fantasies. So yea, that's my change of heart on that aspect. Dunno if you guys are disappointed in me, but two of you were relatively lucky, and things don't work out like that for everyone. I've accepted that. I've had a while to think about things and the way they're going and my parents are the only way I'll ever find someone. If even that doesn't work out, I can turn into super cut-throat bitch and just work on my career. Anyways, the parents put me on a matrimonial site without asking me. When they told me, at first I flipped because I should have been told, but then I was like, ok whatever, it hasn't been working any other way so why not? So there have been a couple of people interested... I'm not too sure about the specifics, but I know one guy's mom said this to my mom: "Does Nads wear hijaab? Would she start? All MY daughters wear hijaab." <-- That seems shady to me. What's wierd is that they are from my side of town and we've never heard of them (and my dad knows a specific uncle who knows EVERYONE in my hometown, no joke). Hm, so that's all I've heard about. He's a 3rd year med student at.... A&M? I'm not even sure. Whatever I just said is all I know about him. Yup. Ok that's all for now.

Until the next one then.